Leaving a Violent Relationship

• Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries.
• Keep a journal of all violence: noting dates, events and threats made, if possible. Keep your journal in a safe place.
• Know where you can go to get help. Tell someone what is happening to you.
• If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.
• Plan with your children. Find a safe place for them to go for help, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
• Contact your local shelter and find out about laws/other resources available to you. Know your rights before you have to use them. WomensLaw.org has state by state legal information.
• Get job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.
• Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.

Make a plan for how and where you will escape quickly. You may request a police escort or stand-by when you leave. If you have to leave in a hurry, use the following list of items as a guide to what you need to bring with you. Our advocates can help you come up with a personalized safety plan for leaving.

1) Identification

• Driver’s license
• Birth certificate and children’s birth certificates
• Social security cards
• Financial information
• Money and/or credit cards (in your name)
• Checking and/or savings account books

2) Legal Papers

• Protective order
• Copies of any lease or rental agreements, or the deed to your home
• Car registration and insurance papers
• Health and life insurance papers
• Medical records for you and your children
• School records
• Work permits/green Card/visa
• Passport
• Divorce and custody papers
• Marriage license

3) Emergency Numbers

• Your local police and/or sheriff’s department
• Your local domestic violence program or shelter
• Friends, relatives, and family members
• Your local doctor’s office and hospital
• County and/or District Attorney’s Office 

4) Other

• Medications
• Extra set of house and car keys
• Valuable jewelry
• Pay-as-you-go cell phone
• Address book
• Pictures and sentimental items
• Several changes of clothes for you and your children
• Emergency money

• Change your locks and phone number.
• Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Have your phone number blocked so neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number.
• Change your work hours and the route you take to work.
• Change the route you take to your children's school or consider changing schools.
• Alert school authorities of the situation.
• If you have a restraining order, keep a copy of it with you at all times. Tell friends, neighbors, and employers that you have an active restraining order.
• Tell local police about the order and give copies to employers, neighbors, and schools, along with a picture of the offender.
• Consider renting a post office box or using a friend's address for your mail. (Be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports.)
• Be careful to whom you give your new address and phone number.
• Reschedule appointments that the offender is aware of.
• Use different stores and visit different social spots.
• Alert neighbors, and request that they call the police if they feel you may be in danger.
• Replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors. Install security systems if possible.
• Install a motion-sensitive lighting system.
• Tell coworkers about the situation, and have your calls screened by a receptionist if possible.
• Tell people who take care of your children or drive them/pick them up from school and activities. Explain your situation to them, and provide them with a copy of the restraining order.